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£40,000 Valium Uncovered In Edendork By PSNI Before Tyrone Face ‘Sleeping...
By Aughohilly Schniffles As Tyrone prepare to take on Co Down in defending their Ulster title this Sunday, it has emerged that £40,000 worth of sleeping pills has been found in Edendork. A PSNI...
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Over 1000 Amazon Echo Devices Returned In Tyrone Yesterday Over Language...
Alexa getting rough treatment Pub and shop owners in the county have urged people to stop giving off about Alexa after it emerged that over 1000 households in the county returned their Amazon Echo...
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East Tyrone Peaky Blinders Reign Of Terror Continues
A gang of about 12 Ardboe women, who peak through their venetian blinds at other members of their community going about their daily business and posting it online, have upped their reign of terror by...
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Plans To Build Bridge Over Lough Neagh Get Green Light Despite Naming...
Architecture’s drawings The construction of a bridge between Ardboe and Aldergrove have been given the go-ahead, sparking a row over the naming of the structure to be opened in 2020. The £400m...
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Ardboe Man Who Trained Dog To Bark ‘F**k Derry’ Found Guilty Of Hate Crime
Pebbles, earlier A retired Ardboe pensioner is facing up to 10 years in Maghaberry after he admitted to training his collie Pebbles to bark ‘f**k Derry’ on command when being visited by relatives...
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Ardboe Cow’s Lick Cures Baldness. Catholic Church Continue To Ignore Calls...
A cow from Ardboe has been described as ‘nearly bigger than the Pope’ after it emerged that it has cured over seventy cases of premature baldness in the surrounding area by licking the offender’s head....
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BBC To Show ‘Desperate Fishwives’– An Insight Into The Crazy Lives Of Wives...
A controversial insight into the daily lives of East Tyrone women married to Loughshore fishermen is to be screened over the summer, with some critics predicting it will become the greatest TV series...
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Anger In Tyrone As 1000s Unable To Wash Their Boats Due To Hosepipe Ban
Thousands of Tyrone boat-owners were said to be ‘seething’ today after it emerged yesterday that they are not allowed to wash their boats as one of the conditions of the hosepipe ban. Over 80% of...
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Coalisland Man Walks Off TV Show Countdown For Disallowing Word
A Coalisland hotelier has pledged never to return to the Channel 4 hit TV show Countdown after producers refused to allow his 5-letter word ‘clift’ to stand, which would have seen him take the lead...
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Ardboe Man Wins Argument With Wife The Morning After, Alone In Shower
By Aughoughilley Schniffles Kevin McGuigan, a bathroom fitter, from Mourne Crescent has finally won an argument with his wife Alisha, albeit the next morning and while alone in the shower. The former...
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A Mouthful Of Midges Can Add At Least 10 Years To Your Life, Claims Scientist
A Belfast scientist today announced that, after studying the longevity of loughshore people over the last 25 years, swallowing over 60 midges a day can add a decade to your life if consumed during the...
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Catholic Wasps Accused Of Stinging Sectarianly, Says DUP Counsellor
Typical Catholic Wasp Fivemiletown DUP party member Kenneth Potts has claimed he has scientific proof that Catholic wasps only sting in mainly Protestant areas whereas Protestant wasps sting...
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Joyous Scenes As Ardboe Vaccine Reaches 21% Efficacy.
A vaccine developed by Ardboe GAA club and the Battery Bar has proven to be more than 20% effective in people of all ages, sparking immediate requests for funding and mass production. A paper,...
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VIEW OF THE FUTURE: GAA FOUND IN TYRONE IN 2221
BY CLAMPED CANDY Talk of schools putting GAA in History lessons. Might as well make a start. Football fading into the distant past. Can envisage Irish archaeologists in a couple of hundred years time...
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Ardboe Man Washing Clear Diesel Set To Lose Clean Fortune
In what has been described as a ‘less than enterprising move’, Ardboe man Franklin O’Hagan has locally made no secret of the fact that he has been adding food dye to clear diesel, and plans to sell it...
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Dutch Businessman Invents Midge-Flavoured Chewing Gum After Visit To Ardboe
A successful Dutch entrepreneur, who has been credited with the sensational silencer for wooden clogs, has taken the confectionary world by storm by inventing midge-flavoured chewing gum which is...
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Ardboe Parishioners Strip Shipwrecked Antrim Boat And Hold 12 Captive Until...
Ardboe is now said to be one of the most stylish parishes in the county after a shipwrecked boat was looted in the early hours of Saturday morning. The boat, which set sail from Antrim to Toome to...
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Harte Sets Sights On Reclaiming Cookstown, Ardboe & Greencastle Into Greater...
Artist’s Impression A leaked document has revealed that Mickey Harte will approach Owen Mulligan, Brian McGuigan and Sean Teague to be the faces of a new ‘Greater Derry’ campaign, activating an old...
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New Soup Ice Lolly Cafe A Real Hit, With Massive Queues In Ardboe
An Ardboe cafe specialising in soup ice lollies has had to turn away dozens of customers after selling out of stock, with tomato soup ice lollies proving to be the best seller, followed closely by...
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‘The Middlin Boys’ Ardboe Male Dancers Disappoint Female Audience In Cookstown
Aiming to cash in on ‘The Pleasure Boys’ exposure in recent days, an Ardboe troupe of men, named ‘The Middlin Boys’, made their debut in Cookstown last night in a performance that was described as...
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